Forgiveness is the Attribute of the Strong
by foundatsea
Summary: General Hammond tries to help his friends get over the past one last time. Jack/Janet. Multiple POVs. COMPLETE!
1. A Surprise Meeting

Chapter 1 - Hammond's POV

I am dying.

It is no surprise to me or my family, I have been sick for quite some time now. The cancer developed around my last year at the SGC. I never let the people in my command know for there was work that had to be done. I know that they would not take it lightly, especially SG-1. I just couldn't tell Sam, Daniel, Teal'c, and Jack that my body was failing. I did not want anyone to treat me differently and I did not want to burden the members of my team. But there was one person at the SGC that knew, she was the one that ran the initial tests that found the cancer.

Dr. Fraiser agreed to keep my illness under wraps, bless the woman. She understood how I was feeling and for that I am deeply grateful. She also knew that if I told the SG teams I was dying, it may affect their job performance, something that was definitely not acceptable.

For an entire year, I regularly visited the Infirmary either late at night or early in the evening when the nurses were gone, the orderlies went home, and the SG teams were either away or on stand down. Janet admitted to me that she had never given someone chemotherapy before but she had watched it been given many a time. I had complete trust in her abilities. I had seen her administer cures for things that should not of been curable. I had seen her literally give life back to those that had died. Administering chemotherapy seemed like the easiest thing in the world compared to the things she has done.

Even after my command at the SGC ended, she insisted that she remain my primary caregiver. She became my regular doctor at the Academy Hospital. They tried to make me see a cancer specialist, but I insisted that I stay under Dr. Fraiser's care even before we discovered the cancer was terminal.

Even now that I am confined to a hospital bed within my own home, she is my doctor. It has been three years since the cancer in my stomach had been diagnosed, two years since I left the SGC. Three years I survived the damned sickness. Janet remained hopeful, thinking the chemotherapy had really done it's job, but deep down I knew that my time was coming.

Because of the frequent trips Dr. Fraiser was having to make to my home every day, usually at odd and unexpected hours, I invited her to live with me. Cassie is in college, I'm single, it's the ideal arrangement, she said. I have two guest rooms in my home and I let her have her pick of the two. She kept her house for when Cassie comes home, but all other times of the day she is with me. I really have no idea what I would do without her. I rely very heavily on her medical expertise and well as her companionship.

"Good morning, George," she says, walking into my very sterile room with two cups of coffee. It's kind of a routine that we have. Every morning she brings both of us coffee into my bedroom and she lounges on the window seat. It reminds me of the mornings I used to spend with my daughter when she was still around.

"Janet," I say, accepting the coffee. Black, just how I like it. "Thank you, my dear." She nods demurely and takes her usual place by the window. I watch her look out the window, it is snowing.

"Any pain?" She asks, drinking half of her coffee in one gulp. I smile because I know without her coffee, she is very sluggish in the mornings. I cherish that I know these small details that amount to such a great woman.

"Four," I am not even lying when I say this. She looks at me skeptically and drinks the rest of her coffee and slips into doctor mode.

She checks my vitals. "Small fever," she whispers, writing down the numbers on the chart she always seems to have. I told her she does not need to keep recording these things but she refuses to listen to me. That would mean accepting that I am nearing the end of my time, something she will definitely not do.

"I feel okay, I swear." She smiles down at me and gives me my morning pills. I take around six every morning. She asked me once if I ever wanted to know what pills she was giving me every day, but I told her I didn't care. I don't think she understood that.

"I am going to start breakfast. Pancakes?" She moves to the doorway. I look down at her feet and notice the bunny slippers I jokingly bought her last Christmas. She religiously wears them every day.

"Sure." I watch her leave the room and I feel badly that I haven't told her of the visitor we are going to have today. I feel badly that I will catch her unaware and I hope that she won't think badly of me.

I get out of bed and shower. Most days I don't feel strong enough to shower on my own and Janet is always willing to help me. I draw strength through the fact some old friends are visiting today. I hurry because I don't want her to catch me attempting this alone.

Twenty minutes later I am downstairs, dressed, and in the living room and suffered no accidents. I am dressed in jeans and a tee shirt, something I haven't worn in months. If she asks, I will just tell her that I was feeling up for a change today. Maybe a walk even, though surely she won't allow that.

"What do you want to drink?" She asks as she walks into the room. I see a frown immediately grace her face. I can tell that she knew I made it downstairs on my own, she was most likely standing in the kitchen listening intently for a cry of help. It must be that I am showered that shocks her.

She sighs softly and hands me my plate. "George, please don't over do it," She says, and leaves it at that. She never treats me as a child despite my inability to do most things on my own anymore.

"Yes, ma'am," I tease and she waves me off with her hand and leaves to go get her own breakfast. I look at the clock and immediately hear a knock on the door. Perfect timing.

I stand up quickly, probably too quickly, and rush to the door. I fix my clothing and put on my glasses. I've lost quite a bit of weight since my visitors have seen me and I want to appear healthier than I am.

I open the door. "Jack. What a pleasure to see you."

"Sir," he says and I see his eyes roam over my body. "You look… great." He says, and it makes me feel good to know that he hasn't lost his usual sarcasm.

"George, I could of answered the door-" Janet stops mid sentence, her eyebrows raising almost up past her hairline. I watch as Jack's face registers about fifteen different emotions right in a row and ends on confusion. Neither of them speak for about a minute and I know I need to step in.

"Janet, I invited Jack over to visit." Her icy stare turns to me. I can hear her screaming at me in her head. I turn to Jack. "Dr. Fraiser has been my caregiver for the past two years. She provides in home care for me."

Janet's stare returns to Jack. Her arms are crossed defensively a crossed her chest and I thank the lord I can hold in my chuckle at seeing her look so angry in bunny pajamas. He clears his throat.

"Oh." Is all he says. I know Jack isn't exactly happy with me either.

"Come on in, Jack. Hungry? Janet made pancakes." I say, ushering Jack into the living room. I know Janet is still standing in front of the door, speechless. I am hoping they can both get over their personal feelings for me, at least. I am aware that things did not end well between them when Jack packed up and left her to go to Minnesota. They haven't been in contact since.

I'll play the sick and helpless card if I need to. All I know is that I need to do this for Janet, she deserves to be happy.


	2. Retirement

Jack's POV - Chapter 2

The life of retirement sure is sweet.

I spend most of my days fishing, hunting, reading, stargazing, traveling. You name it, I do it. No obligations. No alarms. No SGC related emergencies. Just me, my cabin, the Minnesota wilderness, and my dog, Seymour. All a man really needs.

I'll admit that it was strange at first, waking up every day and not going through the stargate. It's still weird. It became such a large part of my life - hell, it _was_ my life - and its never easy to leave a part of your life behind. Especially a part you loved so fondly. Especially when you leave your work and your team behind on not so good terms.

I just _had_ to leave. I don't even think General Hammond understood when I gave that as my reason. I know he felt as if I were selfishly withholding my true intention of retiring, which I guess I was, but he never pressed the issue. He accepted my request for retirement and let me know before I left the SGC for the last time that he would be retiring soon as well for personal reasons. Not that that made it any better of a choice or made me feel any better.

I told SG-1 next. Teal'c didn't seem surprised. He definitely perceives a lot more than he lets on. Daniel and especially Sam, on the other hand, did not take it lightly. Sam was even too surprised to speak and Daniel continued to spew out incomprehensible nonsense in disbelief. I hugged each one of them and let them know that they knew where to find me if they needed me. Daniel asked if I was selling my house and I informed them that it was already on the market. I remember telling them Colorado Springs just wasn't for me anymore.

Tears were shed, mainly by Sam. I felt badly but I could not let them talk me out of this. I had my reasons and nothing would deter me. I told the three of them that they were more than welcome to visit seeing as my life of retirement sure would be exciting.

I saved the hardest trip for last. To the Infirmary. I knew this would be the hardest conversation I've ever had with a person, ten times harder than those I had when I was with Sara. I could already feel a tension headache beginning in my temple and when I walked into the Infirmary, I tried my damned hardest to keep my steely reserve in tact.

It was no real secret that Janet and I had been together for a while, approximately three years, so when I walked into the Infirmary, the head nurse pointed towards Janet's office. It was also no secret how much I _hated_ the Infirmary and it was obvious that if I was walking into the place voluntarily, I was there to see Janet.

I'm pretty sure I stood outside of her office for around five minutes, trying in my head to think of a way to tell her what I was about to do. Giving up on the matter since there was no nice way to break this, I knocked on the door, which probably was a red flag for her already. I _never _knocked. Ever. I usually just strode into her office and took a seat at her desk if she wasn't already occupying the chair or sat across from her desk as she diligently tried to get actual work done with no help from me.

I heard her call me in and she was sitting at her desk, confusion written over every part of her face. I knew her so well that I noticed the slight frown of her lips, the squinting of her eyes, the furrow of her eyebrows, her hands held together in front of her on the desk. I kept my head down and avoided eye contact, shutting her heavy office door behind me.

"Jack? What's wrong?" She asked immediately, just like I knew she would. I sighed and remained standing near the door. Scratched the back of my head. Rubbed my hand over my eyes.

"Just came to talk to you about something." I glanced up at her face and she still looked confused but now worry has seeped into her face.

"Okay?" She said and motioned to the seat in front of her desk. I remained standing.

"I just wanted to let you know…" I said, my sentence trailing off. This is too damned hard. To her credit, she sat there patiently, waiting for me to spit out the awful words I was about to say.

"I'm leaving Colorado Springs tonight." I was afraid to look up at her. I was terrified to see her face, to see all the hurt I am about inflict on her. I sighed.

When she didn't say anything, I knew she waiting for me to look at her, so I did. "What." She said, her voice already hard with a thick edge to it. I looked back down. "Why." There was no questioning in her voice anymore. It was all demand.

"I.. Uh… Retired." I choked out, putting my hands behind my back so she couldn't see me wringing my hands anxiously. Her frown deepened and an eyebrow arched.

"Oh, did you?" She spat out, her voice taking on a very hard edge to it that I am not sure I've ever heard before. She looked down at her hands and when she looked back up, her eyes were full of tears. Angry tears. "And did you even _stop_ to think about how nice it would of been to let me know you were doing this? Ever heard of a little thing called common courtesy? I'm assuming you've already had your things packed and sent to where ever it is that you are _retiring_ to. Minnesota, I take it? All of those preparations would of taken around two weeks. So you went _two weeks_ at least with these intentions in your head of just packing up and leaving? Leaving me? With _no_ warning? Christ, Jack, we've been together three years and you don't even have the decency to at least warn me before you actually left?"

I honestly could do nothing but focus on her hands, the way they became white knuckled, the way her nails were digging into her palms. I said nothing so she kept on going. I felt sick.

"I'm assuming you are going to want your things that are at my house. What do you want me to do with those? Ship them? Toss them? _Burn _them?" I could tell by this point that she was about to cry, her voice was so thick with emotion. "What about Cassie? What about Seymour? You know what, _you_ take Seymour. I got him for you." Her tirade ended and I could tell she was breathless. "Well? Aren't you going to say anything?"

I let her words make me angry. It was the only was I was going to get through this. "Toss my shit. I'll be by to pick up Seymour tonight." My voice sounded harsh, mean, angry. Good.

She glared daggers at me and slammed her hands very hard down onto her desk, knocking over her cup of pens, scattering them everywhere. Her face is very red and her eyes were brimming with tears."Do it while I'm not home, you _bastard_. You have the key. Now get the fuck out of my office."

As I said, my goodbye did not go so good. At all.

I know why I did it, though, even today. But it was still the biggest mistake of my life leaving Janet.

Once Sam and Daniel heard the way I ended things with her, they never visited me. I wasn't surprised. Janet was Sam's best friend, had been for many years, and Daniel was very close to her as well. Teal'c paid me a few visits that I can count on one hand but I could tell it was out of obligation, not because he actually wanted to. And I knew I was a huge asshole and it was something I have never been able to live with.

That is why it was very shocking when General Hammond called me out of the blue and invited me over to his home in Colorado Springs. I told him I wasn't sure how comfortable I felt returning there. He knew what had happened. He insisted that what he had to talk to me about was very important and that he would really like to see me, so of course I agreed. I could never tell the General no. Except for those few times when I actually had to but.. yeah, you know.

I convinced Teal'c to take Seymour to Chulak with him for a week or two so I could go visit. Packed up some stuff and left later that day when he called me. I was driving so it would take some time to get there. I told him I would be there by tomorrow morning.

When I pulled into his driveway, I could already feel all of the old memories washing over me. So many good times were had at his home by SG-1. Many good times were had here with Janet. I was still thinking of the painful memories when I knocked on his front door.

When George appeared, I immediately knew why he had asked me to come. I don't think I had ever seen him look worse.

"Jack. What a pleasure to see you." His voice sounds frail and thin. He is _definitely_ sick. I let my eyes take in his appearance. It pulls at my heartstrings to see him look so old.

"Sir, you look… great." Sarcasm has always been my way out of dealing with serious situations. He chuckles and I realize he still looks the same when he smiles. That's slightly comforting.

"George, I could of answered the door-" I stand stock still when I hear her voice. _Janet's_ voice. She walks out of the kitchen wearing bunny pajamas. George is still smiling at me. I know I probably look absolutely ridiculous as I am trying to take this situation in. What the _hell_?

Janet and I spend about an entire minute just staring at each other and I can feel myself begin to blush in embarrassment - Embarrassment for how I acted, for how I treated her, how I left her. I never thought I would see her again, honestly. I was completely sure I had absolutely messed up any form of relationship or contact that we would ever have. Just looking at her beautiful face, even when it's full of surprise, makes my heart feel extremely heavy and my skin prickle with yearning.

Luckily for both of us, George speaks since it is clear that we won't. Won't or can't, I'm not sure which. "Janet, I invited Jack over to visit." She looks at him, as do I, and he turns to me. "Dr. Fraiser has been my caregiver for the past two years. She provides in home care for me."

_Oh_, my brain thinks. Of course. Did I honestly even think that she was in a relationship with the General? The fact that I have to think about this makes me realize that I guess I did assume they were together. And I was jealous.

"Oh." Is all I can manage to say. I feel very uncomfortable standing here, standing wherever she is, and I know George knows it. I look back at Janet and we hold and maintain eye contact for at least another minute. I just can't pull myself to look away.

"Come on in, Jack. Hungry? Janet made pancakes." I feel George's hands on my shoulders, ushering me into the spacious living room. I look back at Janet over my shoulder and I notice that her expression softens and she looks positively beautiful.

"So Jack, how have you been?" General Hammond asks me, and tries to sit down in his recliner. I can tell he is having trouble and I hear Janet trotting over to help him into his seat. I stand up and each of us grab one of his arms and help lower him into his chair. He nods and smiles and thanks us and I look at Janet's face. She looks worried.

"George, please relax. _Please_. What do you want to drink?" I frown at Hammond, wondering just how sick he really is. He tells her that he wants some milk and she leaves for the kitchen.

He then turns his gaze to me expectantly. "I've been alright, I guess. Been better." I say, not too sure how I am going to ask him about his illness. Hammond smiles and tells me he's seen me better. I know he is referring to when I was with Janet and we were all still at the SGC. He knows I know it too, the bastard.

Janet returns with a glass of milk and a can of diet pepsi for me. I don't take it lightly that she remembers my favorite drink. Of the fact that she still knows what I want without me having to ask for it even though it's been two years since we've even seen each other.

I function enough to whisper thank you and she nods. "I'm sure you're wondering why I invited you here, Jack, but it's pretty obvious." He pauses and Janet sits in the recliner next to his and it reminds me of an old married couple. She takes his hand, her skin looking particularly tan against his sickly pale skin tone.

"Jack, I have cancer. Stomach cancer. It's terminal and I will not be living much longer."

I notice that he says this with acceptance. That's good, because if it is terminal, it helps no one, especially him, if he were to be in denial. One look at Janet tells me that he is speaking the truth. "Damn, George. How long have you had it?"

Janet answers for him. "Three years." She interlaces her fingers with his.

It slowly dawns on me that if he has been sick for three years, that means that he was sick in his whole last year at the SGC. "You could of told me, especially since you were sick when the SGC was still around."

"I didn't want to tell you all. I knew it would hinder your job performance." Janet looks at Hammond and then at me.

"Did you know?" I ask her, and she suddenly looks even more uncomfortable than before.

"Yes, I knew. I was the one to diagnose the cancer." I frown and feel my brows furrowing. I open my mouth, about to ask her why she didn't _tell_ me.

"Jack, before you start a fight," he looks pointedly at me, "I told her not to tell anyone. Even you." I guess that's my hint to drop the subject. Janet's face looks pained.

"I would like you to stay here in my home, Jack, for as long as you'd like. Your company would be most enjoyable." I look out the window behind his head. "You don't have to decide now, but at least stay the night." He turns to Janet. "I'm feeling pretty tired."

Janet smiles. "Come on, I'll help you upstairs. We did get up pretty early this morning." He laughs and she laughs and I can't help but smile. "I'll be right back," she says to me and I watch them walk towards the staircase, Hammond leaning heavily on her little frame.

As I watch them walk away, I can't help but think about if I'm really going to stay here tonight, and for the next two weeks. My mind is already made up though. I'm staying. I can't help but wonder what I've gotten myself into.


	3. Guilt

Janet's POV - Chapter 3

All I can think about as I strip my pajamas off and throw them haphazardly into the laundry hamper is how damned surreal it is to see Jack, in the same house as me after two long years. I had resolved myself to accept the fact that I would neither see nor talk to him again probably for the rest of my life, so I find my surprise and discomfort pretty self explanatory and justified. Not in 1000 years would I have expected him to be the one at the doorstep this morning. Thank God I didn't have a gun on me because my first reaction would of definitely been to shoot his ass. I'm not joking.

Not wanting him to think I'm as uncomfortable as I really am, I dress quickly: jeans and a turtleneck. No time for underwear and the clothes are unrevealing anyways. I run a brush through my hair quickly, not too sure why I feel the need to impress him with my appearance. I take a deep breath when I see that my hands are shaky. _Calm down, _I think, _it's just Jack._ I'm pretty sure my feelings that I have right now would resemble those if a Goa'uld was downstairs sitting on the couch in the living room.

When I reenter the living room, Jack's essentially in the same place that I left him, but now he's sitting with his head in his hands. I stand there looking at him for many minutes. I'm not sure if he heard me enter the room until he says, "Why didn't you tell me he was sick?"

I sigh and close my eyes. So we are going to do this the hard way. Forget all pleasentries that I had been devising in my mind since I first saw him on the doorstep in attempts to make civil and unconfrontational conversation. I am silent for a few moments. "Do you mean then or recently?" I remain standing in the archway of the room.

He looks at me with his eyes squinted. I know what that means. "I guess I mean anytime, really!" He says, his voice rising slightly with a hardened edge to it, and he raises his gaze to the ceiling, probably wondering if George can hear us. "You should have told me as soon as you found out." His voice takes on a very accusatory tone and I can already feel my blood pressure rising.

"Do you honestly think that I _didn't_ want to tell you? Every single day for a whole year I felt guilty about keeping such a thing from you." I pause. This conversation is much harder than I expected it to be and I really didn't expect it to be a walk in the park. "It was not my place to reveal information that he asked me to conceal, even to you. You of all people should understand that. And don't you dare blame me for you not being around enough to notice he was sick for yourself. I'm pretty sure we came to the general consensus to not really speak to each other ever again, so I'm sure you can see why I wouldn't just pick up the phone and give you a call in the past two years." I cross my arms over my chest defensively, refusing to meet his eye. It's much easier to focus on the floor, frankly. My words were meaner than I expected but what's said is said.

He doesn't say anything for a while, which I find disconcerting. I find myself bouncing my weight from leg to leg, a nervous habit I thought I had left behind in basic training. Apparently not. Surprising us both, he pats the seat next to him on the couch. I eye him warily, but when he looks up at me with a troubled look in his eye, I think what the hell and take a seat next to him.

"You're right," he says, resting his elbows on his knees and steepling his fingers in front of his face. Can't say that his statement didn't make say I told you so in my head. That is not something I would say out loud though, especially not right now."It's not your fault at all. It's all my own stupid fault I haven't been around and haven't kept in touch." He looks up at me, real regret in his eyes. "I should of been here. And not to mention that I should of been able to tell he was sick. A whole damned year I went oblivious to the fact that a great friend was ill." He shakes his head. I can tell he is talking more to himself right now than to me. "It's just so hard for me to accept that he is dying. He really is, isn't he?" He looks at my for clarification and I nod.

"It's hard for me too, even now." I can hear my voice catching in my throat so I wait a while before I say anymore. Now is not the time to get all weepy over the situation. Not in front of him. I dig my nails into my palm, letting the pain strengthen my resolve.

"Then you can imagine how it would feel to be left in the dark about something so serious." He whispers and I'm not really surprised he doesn't ask how the whole situation is affecting me. That's Jack, though. I shouldn't of let myself think he was actually interested in my feelings.

_Don't say that,_ my subconscious instructs. _You know he is a kind, caring individual who did in fact care about you at one point in your life. _I let the thought go, knowing I am being unreasonable, just not really wanting to admit it.

"I do, and I'm sorry," I say. I really am sorry and I hope he doesn't take my words out of context. I mean it. I still agree with what I had chosen to do, letting the General tell him himself, but it doesn't make it any easier to live with knowing I had kept something so important from my significant other for so long. I still feel guilty and it's been years. "Really."

He doesn't say anything else but grabs my clasped hands with one of his. The touch makes my skin tingle and I hate to even admit that he still can make feel this way just with a simple touch. It's like things never even changed.


	4. Memories

Jack's POV - Chapter 4

I'd be lying if I said it didn't bring back very strong feelings to see Janet again. Just seeing her alone was enough to remind of why I had fallen for her in the first place. As I lie here on the bed in the George's guest room, I can't stop my mind from remembering. Remembering the way she used to wake me up every morning with a kiss, how much fun we used to have going fishing at my cabin, the way a small vein pulses in her neck when she's annoyed. Those small details that I had taken for granted when we had been together that I now realize I want back in my life desperately.

When we both became silent, I asked Janet to show me to the guest room so I could get some rest. I mean, I _did_ spend the entire night on the road driving. I really just needed some time to think, to take all of this in.

I need to remember that there is absolutely no way she would ever take me back, under any circumstances. Not after the way I treated her. I was such a complete ass to her and honestly I'm surprised she's even talking to me. But how could I really have explained that I left because I loved her too much? It's even confusing to me. I cared too much and it scared me.

I know how positively stupid that sounds. It sounds even worse when I say it aloud. Trust me.

After everything that had happened with Sara and with the death of Charlie, I pretty much resolved myself never to care about anything as much as I cared about the two of them again. Charlie's death just about killed me. The guilt and the hurt that I felt was so immense that I would never wish that pain even on my worst enemies. Then to top it all off by having Sara just pack up and leave was my finisher. I don't know how many hours I spent in my cabin, drinking myself into oblivion. More than I would like to admit. Everything that had happened was just the perfect validation of what a fucked up father and husband I had been, a constant reminder of how badly I had really screwed my family up.

I wasn't surprised when I had first fallen for Sam. She was tall, blonde, blue eyed, everything I thought I had found irresistibly attractive at the time. But because I was her Commanding Officer, I knew that nothing would ever come of my crush on her. I knew she reciprocated most of the feelings I had for her which made it even harder to get over her. The situation just wasn't in our favor. Never was I expecting to fall in love with the CMO at the SGC, Dr. Janet Fraiser.

She was quite small, dark haired and dark eyed, things I thought I would never find extremely attractive in a woman. Sam and Sara had been such polar opposites from the petite little doctor. I did find myself drawn to her personality, though, but I assured myself it was only on a friendly level. She was sarcastic, kind, and would never refuse to help anyone in need. I don't know why but I never even opened my mind up to the fact that she was exactly the person I needed in my life.

We spent many years as close friends, we hit it off right off the bat. One of my earliest memories of her had been when SG-1 had invited her out to the bar one night to get to know her a little better when she first started working at the SGC. At the time, all my focus had been on Sam, but when I revisit the memory in my head years later, I only see her. I remember that I had asked them if anyone wanted to play pool (this was after more than a few drinks, of course) and they had all declined except for her. With a devilish glint in her eye, she bet me twenty dollars that she could beat me. And beat me, she did. She made me look like a damned amateur. I can still see that smug look she had on her face, almost nine years ago, as she took that twenty dollar bill from my hand. That's the moment I knew she wasn't a force to be reckoned with.

Recalling that memory makes me smile as I bring my hands up under my head. I know sleep is not going to come but I am enjoying myself remembering such special memories.

Another memory fresh in my mind is the time when I came back from my lengthy stay on Endora. The hustle and bustle of having me back on Earth was a huge deal and everyone, especially Sam, were always attached to me at the hip when all I really wanted to do was be alone and recover. It's not that I didn't appreciate everything SG-1 and the rest of the SGC did for me, it was just a really painful experience. Janet was the only one who didn't demand my attention or tried to make it seem like me getting left behind didn't actually happen.

I remember after around a week of being home, I ended up staying on the base late, later than the rest of the people that worked here, besides night shift. I just didn't feel like going home to an empty house, a house that felt less like home than the base did. With nothing to really do, I found myself making my way to the surface and heading to a spot that I was sure I only knew about.

I found this spot my first year working here. It's a small, secluded little area at the top of the mountain. Even though there were steps leading to the damned platform, I'm pretty sure no one really knew about it since you had to walk around the side of the mountain to find it. I had spent many time stargazing and just thinking up there and at this moment I really needed to clear my head.

So you can imagine my surprise when I got to the top, sixty something steps later, and found Janet sitting there. _In my spot_, I remember thinking. She looked at me and it was clear that I had startled her.

After letting out a little gasp, she put her hand over her heart and smiled, "Jack, you scared me!" I remember also appreciating that she didn't call me Sir on a daily basis like the rest of the base did.

I smiled. "I didn't mean to disturb you, I'll just go back down-" I say, turning to leave her to her thoughts.

"Oh, don't be silly," she says and grasps the wrist of my jacket, pulling me towards her. I have no choice but to take the little space open next to her. She let go of my arm and put her hands back in her lap, her legs crossed indian style.

After a few moments of companionable silence, I inform her that I didn't know anyone else on base knew about this spot. She smiles and says that she thinks we are the only ones that do. She asks me to point out a few constellations to her. I know she knows them, as well, but I do it anyway and I don't know why. She scoots closer to me and I attribute that to how chilly the air is tonight and it didn't help that she was in her work skirt. I see her shivering and I wrap my arm around her shoulders and pull her towards me, using the other hand to point to the sky. This goes on for probably a half hour and afterwards we fall into a comfortable silence again. My arm was still around her shoulders.

"Thanks, Janet," I say while keeping my gaze on the night sky, "I needed this." I didn't have to elaborate on what I meant. She got it.

"I know," she whispered, "And I'll always be here."

Now remembering this memory, it stung. I roll over on my side on the bed. Oh, how things have changed.

_She was never not there for you,_ my mind reminds me, _you were the one that wasn't there for her._

I will myself to think of something more positive, something that won't hurt so much, but I can't stop myself from thinking about the first time I realized I was in love with her.

It was literally a very ordinary day. I was in my post mission physical, of all things. I sat on the edge of the bed as she stuck a thermometer in my mouth and pushed my chin so my mouth would close. Her skilled fingers and watchful eyes roamed my body, checking for injury or anything out of the ordinary. I remember watching her face as she worked, getting very caught up in the way her eyes were shining and her lips moved when she was talking.

Shit, she was talking. She takes the thermometer out of my mouth at looks at me expectantly, waiting for an answer to whatever question she had asked me. "Uh, what?" I ask and I find my head swimming from the smell of her perfume. Or the smell of the sterile Infirmary. But I'm pretty sure it was her perfume.

She rolled her eyes jokingly and repeated her question. "Does anything hurt?" I spy a smile tugging at the corners of her mouth. I answer no and she nods, satisfied. She reaches for my wrist, obviously intending to take my pulse, and when her hand grasped my wrist, it just hit me. _Hard._ I'm in love with my doctor. I'm in love with Janet.

She furrows her brow. "You pulse is quickening, are you sure you're feeling okay?" She asks innocently and I pull my arm out of her grasp. I could feel myself getting flustered at this revelation and her touching me wasn't helping.

"Fine, just fine, Doc," I say and clear my throat. She nods with an amused look on her face. I can't meet her eye and I know that if I had the ability to blush, I'd be blushing right now.

I remember the revelation being just so out of the blue for me then. When I think back on it now, it is so easy to see it coming. I really must of been just down right thick headed to not see the development of my feelings for her.

I also remember that when I told her about this memory around a year after we had been dating, she had just smiled and shook her head. She probably thought I was joking.

I find myself smiling as I actually slip off into a heavy sleep. I know it's inevitable that I am going to dream about her so I don't even try to resist it.


	5. Pictures Can Say a Thousand Words

Janet's POV - Chapter 5

After cleaning the kitchen, I make my way upstairs to check on George. I knew he was pushing himself too hard this morning, even if I wasn't a doctor I would be able to see that. He more than likely used up all the energy he had that was supposed to last him all day. Usually he isn't so stubborn when it comes to letting me help him but I know because Jack was here he wanted to seem completely competent and in control of himself. I don't know why he bothered though, Jack clearly saw right through his charade.

I pass Jack's guest room and am not surprised to see the door closed. He could never sleep with the door open. George's room is at the end of the hall. I open the door as silently as possible and peak inside. I smile when I find him still sleeping soundly. _Good, he needs his rest. _I watch his chest rise and fall for a few moments just to be sure his breathing is regular and even before I take my leave.

Just out of curiosity, I crack open Jack's door on my way back downstairs. He's still sleeping as well, lying on his side. My eyes roam the room and I noticed he still doesn't like to put his dirty clothes in the hamper and instead likes to leave them all over the floor. I roll my eyes and step into the room quietly. If there is one thing being a doctor for fifteen years has taught me, it's how to move quietly around a room while someone is either sick or sleeping.

I feel my face getting warm when I realize he is sleeping naked when I throw his dirty boxers along with his tee shirt into the dirty clothes. _Don't think about it_! I pick up his khaki pants, knowing they will wrinkle if I toss them into the laundry too. Folding the pants over my arms, his wallet falls out and onto the floor. The sound seems amplified and I am praying he doesn't wake up because I know what this looks like. It looks like I'm going through his things! Either way he's going to know when he wakes up that I was in here, but at least he won't catch me in the act.

I hurry and pick up the wallet, draping his pants over the back of the chair in the corner of the room. I was am just about to put his wallet on top of the dresser when once again it falls to the floor. I sigh very softly when I see that a few pictures have fallen out of it, as well as some changed and his driver's license. Now I have no choice but to actually open his wallet and place the things back inside. I save the pictures for last. I know I shouldn't look at them, it's an invasion of his property. I glance back to him on the bed and he is still sleeping. I shrug my shoulders and pick them up with the intention to look at them all.

The first one is of Charlie. I smile sadly, remembering that he has kept this picture in his wallet for years. It depicts his son holding a baseball bat and in his team uniform. He had played tee ball, Jack told me. Charlie looks so happy. And just like his father.

The next one is of Cassie and him at the park when she was thirteen. I believe Sam took this picture. He is pointing off into the distance and both their attention is directed at whatever he is explaining to her. I have this same picture in a bigger print at home, still hanging in the kitchen above the stove. I just couldn't bring myself to take it down.

The next picture surprises me. It's a picture of Jack and me at an Air Force function in D.C. We are both in our dress blues. I believe this took place at the end of November, near Christmas time. My arm is around his waist and his is around my shoulders. Even with my heels on, my head only reaches his chest. We both are holding drinks in our hands and smiling for the camera.

Behind that is a portrait of the two of us again. This was one taken by Cassie when she was sixteen at her birthday party. It's of us dancing together in the living room after the party was over. Neither of us were aware the picture was being taken. We are both already in our pajamas and my hair is have an arm around each others waists and the other brought up and our hands are clasped. You can only see Jack's face in the picture and he really looks genuinely happy.

I've reached the last one. It's one of me he took after we had sex one morning. I have a sheet covering myself but my hair is down and in disarray, my skin is flushed, and I don't have any make up on. I'm laughing in the picture. The photograph is just so _intimate_. Why the hell does he still have these? There is absolutely no reason for him to keep this in his wallet still unless he forgot they were in there.

"Janet?" Jack calls my name groggily. I stuff the pictures back into his wallet quickly and toss it atop the dresser before turning around. I'm silently hoping he didn't see me going through his things. I watch him rub his eyes with his fists and yawn. "How long have I been out?" I watch him, unable to tear my eyes away as he throws back the sheet and comforter covering his naked body. It's not like I have never seen him naked before, but under the circumstances, I feel myself blushing profusely.

Jack, on the other hand, seems very unfazed by it. I swallow hard. "Around two hours," my voice is quitter than I intended it to be. Jesus.

"Is Hammond awake?" He gets out of bed and fishes his boxers out of the hamper. I keep my eyes on his face as he pulls them on. I shake my head, not really able to form words. He moves towards me, only a foot away, which causes me to tilt my head up to look at his face. "Thanks for putting my things away," he grabs my shoulders with his hands and pulls me to him. I tense up, my arms hanging lamely at my sides and he pulls away before I even have time to comprehend what just happened.

I'm pretty sure my mouth is hanging open in a mixture of disbelief, confusion, and weirdly, arousal. After pulling on his tshirt, he takes one look at the expression on my face and laughs, smiling slightly. "See you downstairs."

He leaves the room, whistling, and I'm left in the middle of his bedroom not knowing what the hell is going on.

_What_ just happened?


	6. Revelations

Chapter 6 - Jack's POV

Do not even ask my why I thought it would be a good idea to expose myself to Janet. Jesus. Just don't ask. On the list of the most stupid things I have ever done in the presence of a woman, that might be near the top.

I can't help but laugh because a) thats the first time a woman has seen me naked since she saw me a few years ago, b) the look on her face was just too damned priceless, and c) she still hasn't joined me in the living room yet. I suppose the whole charade was worth the look on her face, you would have thought it was the first time she ever saw me naked. It was either surprise or disgust on her face. I'm banking on surprise.

And now I'm playing the waiting game.

When I woke up and saw her looking through the pictures in my wallet, I tried to think of a way I could get back at her for going through my things, not that I blamed her. I'm not mad, I would have done it if I were in her position too. I still felt like she had invaded my privacy, though, mainly because I am embarrassed that she discovered the pictures I still have in my wallet of her. It's one thing to admit to myself that I am still in love with her but I sure as hell don't want her to know that.

Why, though, I'm not so sure.

Seeing her again has brought so many old feelings to light - feelings I knew still existed but that I was able to suppress. It's easy to forget about something if you never see it.

"Amusing yourself, I'm sure?" Hammond takes a seat next to me on the couch. I'd be lying if I said I was disappointed that it wasn't Janet, though he is definitely number two on the list.

"Sir," I say, throwing my legs over the side of the couch. "Didn't hear you come in."

"A lot on your mind?" He wipes a thin layer of sweat off of his head. His color is sickly and pale, laborious breathing.

"Apparently. You okay?" I begin to stand but he motions for me to sit.

"Stairs get hard to accomplish when you're my age. I'm fine."

I nod, skeptically, noticing he doesn't blame it on the cancer, but I sit back down. "Need me to get the Doc?"

He shakes his head and leans back into the leather couch. "Hopefully your retirement is going more smoothly than mine."

I snort. "Loads better. Cancer free." He nods thoughtfully. "And I don't have to live with the doc. That's always a plus."

George laughs. It's definitely clear that I'm kidding. "She's a delight." I feel his eyes on me.

"You're right." The response leaves my lips immediately. He _is _right. Not sure how to proceed next, I bring up a pretty safe subject. "How is Cassie? I haven't gotten the chance to ask her about her yet."

"In college already, can you believe it? I remember when she was just a little girl and came through the stargate. Now she's at UCLA studying to be a doctor."

"I knew she'd follow in her mom's footsteps. Crazy how alike they are." Janet had always been a fantastic mother to Cassie. For someone who just got thrown into the situation like she did, not once had I ever seen her neglect her parenting duties. It also helped to have Sam around when Cassie was feeling particularly rebellious but don't let Janet hear me say that.

George points to a picture hanging above the fireplace in front of us. "That's the most recent photograph of her. Taken two months ago when she visited." The picture is large enough that I don't have to get up to appreciate it. It's of Janet sitting in a kitchen table chair and Cassie is behind her with her hands on her mother's shoulders. Normally I'd think this pose looked forced but they look completely at ease. It's nice. Cassie looks so damned grown up that it makes me feel ancient. She looks great, though.

"You should think about contacting her, Jack. She'd love to hear from you." Janet chimes in. I look at her long enough just to see her backside round a corner into the kitchen. I really hope she isn't avoiding me.

"She's right, you know." George says and puts her large hand on my shoulder. I look over my shoulder at him and he nods towards the kitchen, clearly indicating that he wants me to go see Janet. I squint my eyes and shake my head. He insistently shakes his head and uses his hand to push me forward.

I stand and sigh. Looks like I have no choice. I mean, it is his house. His rules.

I timidly peak around the corner of the archway into the kitchen. She's at the stove, making some soup for I'm assuming George. She doesn't look back even though I'm sure she can feel me staring at the back of her head. I take the time to appreciate how light her hair is now, much different than when she first started at the SGC. She always looks beautiful.

"So, about earlier…" I trail off, taking a seat at the island.

"What about earlier?" She says, her voice tight.

Judging by the degree of uncomfortableness already hanging in the air, I decide not to allude to my like naked stunt. "Saw you looking through my wallet."

She visibly stiffens and sighs. "I was trying to put your things away and your wallet dropped and I'mreallysorry -" She says all in one breath, peaking shyly over her shoulder to see how I'm reacting. She rolls her eyes and comes over to hit me on the shoulder. I don't think she was expecting me to be smiling.

I laugh. "I'm only joking, didn't mean to scare you."

She crosses her arms over her chest and gives me her best doctor stare down, the one she was famous for in the Air Force. "Why do you still have those anyways? Those pictures?" Her bluntness surprises me.

I choose my words carefully. "They mean a lot to me."

She arches an eyebrow. "Oh, uh huh. I'm sure." She says. I can hear the skepticism in her voice. She stirs the soup on the stove.

"I mean it." I know she still doesn't believe me. I watch her pour the soup into a bowl and grab a glass of water from inside of the fridge.

"Are you hungry?" She asks on her way out of the room as a second thought. I shake my head.

"Go do your thing."

As I watch her leave I think about what is in store for my future in regards to Janet. After this short stay, are we going to cease all contact and not talk to each other for a few more years? Will she want to become friends again, and that's all? Will she for some unknown reason to me decide to pick back up where we left off a couple years ago? I, for one, would love to have her in my life again, even if it were just as a friend. I would take her friendship over nothing any time even though I know I never stopped loving her. In situations like these, I know the only way I can know how she is feeling is if I ask her upfront about what she's feeling. Another conversation I am not very keen on having. By now you would think that I'd be used to rejection. Either way it will be hard to hear if she never wants to see me again.

Well, I know what we are going to be doing tonight. Now I just have to find the time to ask her. If there was one thing the Stargate program taught me, it's that timing is everything.


	7. Broken Down Walls

Chapter 7 - Janet's POV

I should have left as soon as Jack showed up on the doorstep. I should given them the first excuse I could think of and just gotten the hell out of there. Being around him again is doing pretty terrible things to my sanity and my resolve that I have spent years repairing and building back up again.

I am mad at George for inviting him here. He, Cassie, and Sam are the only three people who know how hard it was for me to get over Jack after he left years ago. They were the ones that saw me at my worst, especially Cassie. I will never know why I was so fortunate to raise such a beautiful child. She helped me through many tear filled days and nights. She was ultimately the one who got me back on my feet again.

Even though I told my friends and family I had gotten over what happened, I know I never really did. How can you get over something like that? Things were just so different with him. Every other relationship I've had I felt like my needs were secondary to theirs; I kept so many things to myself that it is a wonder those relationships lasted as long as they did, especially my marriage. It was so different with Jack. He actually asked me how _I_ was feeling, what _I_ wanted. He never did anything without at least making me aware first. He showed me what a real relationship is supposed to be like. He showed me what it was like to be loved.

Even now, I have to remind myself that he probably had a reason for leaving and nothing I could have said or done would have changed the situation from turning out like it did. I used to think all the time about what I could have said to make him stay. For the longest time, I thought I had done something wrong, that it was my fault that he left. I kept all of these thoughts to myself because who ever would have thought that Doctor Janet Fraiser would become the victim that wallowed in self pity and constantly thought of what ifs?

George was the one that helped me see that none of this was my fault - I did nothing wrong. I had been supportive, patient, balanced, and kind. I had been loving. It was not my fault.

I can't blame the total wreckage of my feelings completely on Jack coming here because it's not like he expected to see me here. He did not come here to intentionally hurt me. But that didn't stop it from hurting any less.

Just seeing him again has torn down every buttress I had built up to lift myself out of loving him. Out of needing him. I never thought what spent me three years to build could come crashing down in one instant.

Seeing those pictures in his wallet did nothing to help the situation, either. It made me miss the memories. It made me miss _him_. I think that's the first time I have ever admitted that to myself in the past three years. I have missed him all along.

I really don't know how I will be able to live without him again. I guess it is just something I will have to reteach myself and hopefully I will be a faster learner this time around.

From my spot on the couch, I can see Jack outside playing with George's dog, Turner. The old black lab is always the perkiest when Jack's around; George and I hardly have the same affect on him, even though he does sleep at the end of my bed most nights. I frown.

"Please don't be angry with me," George says from the recliner next to me. He can tell what having Jack around again is doing to me. It would be ridiculous if he couldn't tell.

My frown deepens because I know I am mad at him, he knows it, and I know I can't lie to him. I sip my coffee slowly before answering. "You had to have known what this would do to me, George."

He sighs and closes his eyes. I watch him from the top of my coffee cup closely, trying to gauge how he is feeling without asking. He hates when I nag him about his health.

"I did not invite him here to hurt you. I was hoping you two could at least try to resolve any issues you had." I scoff, and he looks at me seriously. "I know how sad you are, Janet. Do you think I don't see this? I see you spending all of your time taking care of others but leaving no time to take care of yourself. I can't let you do this to yourself any longer."

I open my mouth to speak but silences me with the look in his eyes. "The only thing I want before I die is to see you happy again. I don't care if that means you decide to never see Jack again or if you decide to get back together again. You are my best friend and you do not deserve to be so unhappy when you are such a perfect person."

I feel my eyes grow moist and my throat tighten. It had never occurred to me that this was why he had invited Jack here. I had assumed he wanted to see him again before it was too late. I stare at the exceptionally generous man beside me and begin to cry.

It takes a while before I can speak again. "You're something." I smile, and he smiles, and I smile wider. I am truly lucky to know and get to witness every day what a genuine man George Hammond is.

We both turn our attention to Jack outside, who is wrestling in the fallen autumn leaves with Turner. It is obvious what a good time both of them are having. It makes me think of how we used to visit his cabin during fall and play with Cassie in the leaves when she growing up. The memory hurts.

I watch the two of them for a while. I remember the first time I saw Jack with Turner; I remember the first time I bought Seymour, our German Sheppard, home to him. I remember spending Thanksgiving with him and Christmas with him and the start of the new year with him. I could spend hours revisiting these memories, watching Jack from closed doors, but George breaks me out of my reverie.

"He still cares about you, you know." I look over at him and he has his chair reclined back and his eyes closed.

"You don't know that." I don't want him to give me false hope. I don't think I could handle it.

"But I do. Trust me."

I look back outside and Jack in sitting in the grass with his arm around Turner. He looks over his shoulder and into the house at me. He waves and smiles and I can't help but think he looks genuinely happy. I raise my hand in acknowledgement.

I look back at George and he is fast asleep. Or maybe he's pretending to be. Either way, I feel like I shouldn't disturb him. I grab my coat and my shoes from the entryway and head outside to join Jack and Turner.

I guess I will just have to trust George on this one.


	8. An Extended Stay with Friends

Chapter 8 - Jack's POV

I went outside to get some air. I figured the crisp autumn air would calm me down a little, rationalize and stabilize my equilibrium. It was a win win situation as well because George's dog, Turner, wanted to go out and play.

Can't say that playing with Turner didn't make me miss Seymour. I know Teal'c is probably taking excellent care of my little guy, but he doesn't exactly know how to play with him. Teal'c's idea of playing with him is tossing a stick only one time. Are you surprised?

My anxiety is eating away at my stomach and I feel queasy. Janet has really ever been the only woman in the past ten years that can make me this unsettled. I ache so badly to tell her how I am feeling but I have only been here for less than a day and rushing things at this point will get neither of us anywhere. It will make me look like an idiot and it will probably make her either angry or very uncomfortable. Probably both, actually.

I catch myself grinding my teeth, something I haven't done in years. She used to say I would do it in three circumstances: whenever I was around Daniel, whenever the Asgard would teleport me to their ship when I was in the middle of something, and whenever I was trying to hide my real feelings in a situation. Seeing as neither Daniel or the Asgard are here…

I sigh and throw the tennis ball out into the wide expanse of George's backyard. Turner, who previously had his head on my leg, snoozing, jumps up and takes off faster than I would have thought possible for a dog his age.

I lay back on in the grass, liking how the leaves feel against my back and hair. I close my eyes and just try to enjoy the moment and not worry about my turbulent feelings pushing me in every single direction possible. How can I possibly let Janet know how I feel when I don't even know how I feel? How could I put this into words? Regret, love, hurt, shame, love, frustrated, angry, upset, love. _Love_.

Turner drops the ball on my abdomen. Without looking, I pick it up and throw it again.

"There is a bed inside for you to lie on if you want to take a nap, you know."

Janet's voice makes me jump and I hear her laugh. I open my eyes and see her sitting next to me in the grass, reclining slightly and resting on her elbows. I reach out and pull her elbow closest to my out from under her and she plops down on her back next to me, laughing even harder. She looks over at me when I don't laugh along with her and I look away from her to watch Turner running back to me with the ball in his mouth.

She doesn't say anything but I can still feel her eyes on me. Turner drops to ball on Janet's neck this time, clearly recognizing and wanting to play with the new visitor. I watch her face contort in disgust as the saliva covered ball hits her skin and now I am the one laughing. She glares at me and throws the ball. I'm surprised she didn't throw it at me.

"We are expecting snow tonight," She says. I watch her raise her arms over her head and stretch. I am surprised she is still laying on the damp, cold ground with me.

"Mmm." That's all I say. I don't know what to say.

I can feel her eyes on me again. I open mine and make eye contact with her. I know she can tell something is wrong, she has that uncanny sense 24/7.

"So, uh. I was thinking that maybe tomorrow me and you could take George to a movie, if he's feeling up to it. He hasn't been out in forever. If you want to stay another day, that is." I see a blush rise to her cheeks and she brushes her hair out of her face in a flustered, embarrassed sort of way. She's as nervous as I was the first time I asked her out.

I remember that memory very vividly. I was more anxious than most times when me and SG-1 had been ambushed by Jaffa. Military things I can handle, I know how to be a soldier. I do not know how to be cool and composed when revealing my feelings to someone, especially to a woman I am interested in. Even when I was the cocky jock in High School I would still get nervous doing these things.

It took me weeks to decide when and how I was going to ask Janet to go on a date with me. I was going to ask her after a permission debriefing. I figured I could ask her, and if she said no, I wouldn't have to deal with it for two days because we were to be gone a mission for that period of time. If she said yes, that would give me enough time to think of a date suitable enough for her.

I remember thinking about what I was going to say the whole time during the meeting and I'll admit I was a little distracted. That's why a probably painful look came over my face when the General informed us that Janet was accompanying us on the mission. I guess Sam had forgotten to tell me that they received a transmission requesting medical assistance. Go figure.

Since my plans were pretty much shot, I decided to think of a way to ask her before the next mission we went on without her, whenever that may be.

We got to the Gateroom. Janet hadn't been through the gate many times so I told the General that I would walk with her in case she was apprehensive. I don't why I didn't think about how Sam would probably be better choice for a walk through partner, I mean they had been best friends since Janet got here.

"Nervous, Doc?" I asked and she laughed.

"Colonel, I've been through the gate before."

I nodded. "Yeah, but only twice, and if I recall you did like it all too much. You looked pretty green afterwards."

She rolled her eyes and I smiled. "I'll be fine, Jack." She managed to get her hand around my wrist underneath my BDU sleeve and grasped it gently. "Though I am pretty lucky to have the big bad Colonel O'Neill walk me through the gate." She said this with a southern accent and raised her free hand to her forehead and acted like a distressed and flustered love stricken woman. I laughed and punched her in the shoulder playfully and she winked at me. We both turned to watch as the General gave Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c the okay to proceed.

Before I could even tell my mouth to stop talking, I said in a rush, "Wouldyouliketogoonadatewithm e?" I looked back at the General waiting for him to signal us that we were good to walk through the gate. He raised his hand and that was the signal. I began walking forward. I had yet to look at her face to try and gauge her reaction.

Standing in front of the blue and shimmering gate, I looked down at her before stepping in.

"I thought you'd never ask."

I think hard before speaking and I see how crestfallen her face is becoming by the second. That is never a look I want to see on her. "I wouldn't want to overstay my welcome."

"You know how badly George wants you to stay." She pauses and looks down at her hands, twirling a ring around her middle finger anxiously. She looks back up at me and her gaze is intense. "I want you to stay."

That is all the conformation I need. I nod slightly. "Then the movies it is." She laughs in relief and smiles a large smile at me. I smile back. I'm not sure if she just asked me out on a date or not, but whatever it is, I'll take it.

I notice that Turner never retrieved the ball and is laying on the steps, sleeping, ready to go back inside. Janet follows my gaze. "Hungry? It's around dinner time. Maybe I'll even allow you to stay in the kitchen while I cook." I can detect the humor in her voice and smirk. It was an ongoing thing with us that she would always shoo me out of the kitchen. I could never keep my hands off her and I guess she saw that as distracting. It even caused her to burn a few dishes before, and that always caused me to smile triumphantly.

"Why don't you let me make something for you two?" I stand up and brush my wet hands off on my pants. She looks up at me with an eyebrow arched. "I promise it won't be hotdogs or takeout." I offer her my hand.

I mentally note how perfectly her hand fits within mine and I pull her to her feet. We walk side by side up to the house and she says "Chef Jack. I could get used to that!" We both laugh and I can't help but realize how much better I feel whenever she is in my presence. What an effect she has over me.


	9. Words of Advice

Hello, readers! I am SO sorry it took me so long to update! School was rather hectic these last couple of weeks! I will be updating plentifully over the next six weeks! XO Kat

Chapter 9 - Hammond's POV.

It has been three days since Jack first arrived and it's just like old times. He watches the military movies Janet just downright refuses to sit through, he sneaks me a beer when he thinks she isn't looking (or so he thinks), he brings back good memories from the days at the SGC. I am not afraid to admit that I truly have missed him. I miss Sam, Daniel, and Teal'c, as well, but Jack, well, he is like a son to me.

He really has lifted my spirits, which for someone in my type of condition is a miracle in itself. I have not been having very many good days, the bad ones definitely outnumber the good. I think I had it in my mind that I wouldn't be seeing Jack before the cancer really took ahold of me. I think Janet was worried about that, as well. She knew how close we were and she knew how much he meant to me. I think it surprised her once Jack left her that I decided to not keep in contact with him. As close as we were, I couldn't find myself able to excuse what he had done to our doctor and our friend.

I actually wasn't sure if I still could until I saw the absolute transformation he has had on Janet since he's been here. She's laughing, she's smiling, and not just those fake smiles you know doctors give out around the clock. I mean, she's _really_ smiling. At first I thought it was Jack's presence that was making my sickness more bearable, but its Jack's effect on Janet that is giving me the strength to hold on from them; to hold on for her.

I can't lie and say I'm not surprised with how quickly they fit back into each other's life, almost exactly how they used to be. Janet is still guarded, I can see it in her eyes, and I don't blame her one bit. Sometimes when she catches herself laughing freely at one of Jack's stupid jokes or staring at him silently from across the room, she blushes and looks away. I don't know if anyone else besides possibly Cassie would be able to see it, but there is still a certain sadness that still lingers in the depths of her liquid amber eyes.

I think Jack sees it too, sometimes. I watch them watch each other all the time, trying to decipher what is going through their minds and how and when they are finally going to tell each other that they still love one another. When I watch Jack watch Janet, sometimes he gets that steely, typical Colonel O'Neill gaze that I can associate with sadness after knowing him so well for so many years. To anyone else, he would just look hardened, maybe even impassive, but I know.

I keep trying to tell myself that I shouldn't interfere with their rekindling relationship. It is not my place to push them together again, especially if it too soon and neither of them are ready. The thing is, though, that deep down, I know they are both ready. They never stopped loving each other. Jack may have had other lovers for all I know, but no two types of love are ever the same. I know from personal experience that Janet has not seen anyone since he left her. It's not that she hasn't been asked by multiple men, and even a woman she told me about once in passing, it's that she doesn't want anyone else. I don't want her to want anyone else, either.

That was my real motive of inviting Jack into my house after so long. I could not stand to see her continue on this path of loneliness and sadness any longer. Such a vibrant and compassionate woman deserves nothing less than the affections of the man she loves, and that man just happens to be Jack. That is why I have asked Jack come and sit with me on the covered porch. I need to make him aware of my feelings about them together.

I am looking out the window at Janet, watching her run around the large pond I have in my backyard. Every other day she spends about an hour jogging around it. Usually my old dog accompanies her for at least a lap but I spy him rolling around in the leaves in the side yard. I feel Jack sit beside me on the sofa.

"You wanted to see me?" He asks, and I do note that he sounds a little bit nervous. I keep my eyes on the runner before us and smirk.

"Don't worry Jack. Just wanted to talk." I see him let out a sigh of relief.

"I thought you were going to ask me to leave. I wouldn't blame you if you did." He confesses after a small bout of silence.

Both of us shift our gaze outside to Janet as she completes her third lap. "Actually, Jack, I don't want you to leave."

He scoffs. I know he still feels guilty about everything that has happened, I can see it in his eyes every time he looks at Janet. I can also tell he is embarrassed in the way he is afraid to meet my eye most times or the way he second guesses everything he says around both Janet and me. I don't want him to think everything is back to the way it was, but I definitely don't want him thinking we don't want him around. Even without asking Janet, I know she would say the same thing.

He finally looks at me for the first time during this conversation and his eyes just look so sad. I put my large hand over top of his and grab it gently. "We both do." I don't have to elaborate on who the other person is.

He smiles weakly and nods his head towards the window. "You sure about her?"

"Trust me," I say, smiling. He smiles, too. "I've been living with her for what seems like forever now. She wants you here. I think you'd know for sure if she didn't. You know how she is."

He snorts. "Oh, do I."

"A word of advice, though. Since what happened, she doesn't exactly like to wait around for forever for something, though I feel like she would for you. Don't make her wait, Colonel."


	10. Forgiveness

Chapter 10 - LAST CHAPTER FOLLOWED BY AN EPILOGUE

Jack's POV

I have now been residing in the Hammond household for eight days, which is eight days longer than I intended on staying when I first got in my car and drove out here to pay the General a visit. I thought this was going to be a day trip, lasting two hours at most, but those two hours turned into 192 hours. That's a hell of a long time. And what a time I've been having.

Ever since George essentially gave him his consent for me to pursue Janet again, I haven't been able to get the thought of being with her out my mind. The whole time prior I was constantly trying to deny to myself that my feelings didn't exist for her anymore solely because I knew she would never want to be with me again. I had hurt her too much for too long and waited to long to do anything about it. But the fact of the matter was that my feelings were still as strong as they were a few years ago, maybe even stronger, and it took George flat out telling me what I should do to make me realize that. He reawakened a hope in me that I had been sufficiently crushing down since Janet and I were last together two years ago.

Not sufficiently, I remind myself. Now I am not ashamed to admit that I have thought about her at least once every day since I left her - The way her hair smelled after a shower, how soft her fingers were in my hand, how kind she was without a second thought. I thought of the times I used to take her and Cassie out to eat, all the times we used to laugh and watch movies in their living room with Cassie on the floor and us together on the couch. If you would have asked me a week and a half ago if I still thought about this defining moments in my life, I would have lied and told you no. Recalling these memories used to sting, but now I can reflect on them with promise for the future.

I still haven't worked up the courage to tell her exactly how I am feeling. George keeps hinting and subtly pushing me to do it very soon, but I honestly have no idea how to say these things to her. How do you tell someone that you know you hurt beyond repair that you're sorry, you still love them, and that you want them back in your life? I am also counting on that she will be willing to talk about what happened. From the amount of time we have been spending together over the past eight days, I feel it's safe to say she might just hear me out. But for all I know, as soon as I bring it, up she could reject the conversation quickly and I'll have ruined my best chance for redeeming myself in her eyes, even though I do not deserve that in any way.

I am really expecting for her to not want to start over with me, and I cannot blame her. I wouldn't want to either. She seems to have her hands full with taking care of George and supporting Cassie through medical school, but I would give anything to be there for her during these times. I would help her the in all the ways that I know how, but I know it wouldn't be enough. She knows it, too. I have accepted that the chance of her rejecting me is much greater than the one of her taking me back. I do not ever expect her to forgive me, that is asking way too much of her, and I don't deserve that either. Even so, I can't let the probability of rejection stop me from letting her know how I feel. If there is one last good honest thing I do in the rest of my life, it will be apologizing to Janet Fraiser the best that I can and hopefully try to make her understand why I did what I did.

I suppose the easiest way would to just ask her if she had some time to talk, and if she says yes, then just say everything, straight out and no beating around the bush. She has always preferred the direct approach to things, including feelings, something I loved about her. Something I still love about her. Would that work though? It would probably either scare her or make her extremely uncomfortable, two things I definitely do not want. Honestly, though, no other way of telling her comes to mind. I have never really been a man of eloquent words, especially when it comes to emotions. Even with her, I always was hesitant to reveal what I was feeling when I was upset, though after I did tell her what I was going through, she made me feel four hundred percent better. It's not that I didn't trust her. It's just, I mean, I'm a Colonel in the Air Force. Or, I was. Colonel's don't just get up and talk about their feelings, at least not in my book. She was different, though. When I could eventually open up to her, and my God was she patient in waiting for me to do so, she never mocked my feelings or laughed. She always accepted what I said as the truth with no questions asked and tried to help me overcome my problems, my anxieties, and my fears.

As sit here and watch her have a lively conversation with George, throwing her head back and laughing, I decide I need to tell her soon. Tonight. I will tell her tonight. It can't wait any longer. I would tell her now if shouting it in the middle of her conversation would be socially acceptable.

God, help me.

Janet's POV

With George all tucked in the for the night, I kiss his cheek and turn off the overhead light on my way out. His progress with recovery and his overall health has been steadily improving, and I know I have Jack to thank for that. As a doctor, I know what a powerful effect having loved ones around can be for patients; Sometimes it is more powerful than any drug out there. I knew he had been missing Jack, but I knew he was afraid to let me see that because of the way things ended between us. He was such a sweetheart for putting me before himself, but I am glad he finally did invite the Colonel to visit. It has been good for everyone, myself included, which is something hard for me to admit. It still hurts.

I know George brought Jack out here for me, though I don't know why he did it. I thought I was doing a substantial job with moving on with my life. Sure, Sam and Daniel were still my two only friends, and it was harder not having Cassie around, but for the most part I was doing okay. Okay, but lonely. Constantly. I never let the General see this side of me, though. I always did my damned best to put on a hopeful, happy, and welcoming face whenever I was around him. Maybe that's how he knew. He probably saw right through my facade from day one.

I make my way down to the living room where I am sure I will find Jack curled up on the couch with Turner the way George and I left them when he decided he was ready for bed. I can't decide if he was actually tired or if he was just trying to make Jack and I spend time alone together because he did sleep in and take a nap today. Knowing him, it was probably the latter. Damn him.

Most, if not basically all, of the time I have been spending with Jack has been in the presence of George. Truth be told, I don't trust myself alone with him. My emotions fluctuate too much when he's around and the more time I spend with him, the more I realize how much I really do miss him in my life. It irritates me that he still fits so perfectly into my life, as if things have never changed, but they _have_ changed. We both are changed because of what he did, and I don't know - It's just a hard situation to handle. George's presence if very reassuring when the two of us are together because I know with him there, I can keep my all of my emotions in check. My anger, my affection, my sadness, my desire.

"How is he doin'?" Jack asks, shooing Turner off the couch so I can take his place.

"He is doing so much better than he was a week ago, Jack. I could hardly get him to leave his bed. Now he is coming downstairs every day, spending time with us, eating better. It's really great." I look down at my hands, and then back at him. "I have you to thank for that, you know."

Jack shrugged and looked away but I could tell my words meant a lot to him. "He's tough, even with cancer. A good man." I nod in assent and relax back into the large leather couch and close my eyes. I can feel his eyes on me. "You're not tired, are you?" His voice sounds anxious and that makes me anxious.

I shake my head and he smiles awkwardly. "Good, because I have something I would like to talk to you about." I open my eyes and stare at him, hard, hoping he's not about to bring up what I think he is going bring up.

He sighs. "We haven't talked about what happened yet." He looked at me. I'm pretty sure my face is a combination of loathing, anxiety, and fear. "I would like to, if, you know, you would want to."

Damn him. I was hoping we would successfully skate around the topic while he was here, even though I do actually want to talk about it. I am just afraid of what is about to happen to our relationship. Things have been going so well these past couple of days and I am not ready for it to end.

After seeing the look on my face, he stands up and says, "Nevermind, some other time, then. Or maybe never at all."

I grab his hand hard and pull him down back on the couch. He looks at me, his face set hard and expressionless. "Stop." He softens somewhat when I leave my hand on his. "Let's talk." I force a smile, hoping I look more at ease with this than I actually am.

He rubs a hand over his face. "I know this isn't easy, Janet." He sighs again.

"I guess I can begin. Why did you go into retirement, especially without telling me?" Might as well start at the heart of things.

He stares at me for at least a minute. "I cared too much about you."

"Cared too much?" I ask, my hand still ontop of his. I don't understand what he means.

He looks out the window. "I don't know how to explain it, okay? You just, you got under my skin. You meant more to me than anyone ever had. I got scared. Scared that I couldn't live up to your expectations. All I ever wanted to do was to make you happy. After everything I messed up in Sara's life, and then Charlie… I just didn't want to do the same to you. You are Cassie were the best family I had ever had and I had to get out before I screwed it up. I knew leaving would hurt you both, but it would be a hell of a lot better for both of you than what would have inevitably happened."

"Jack," I say, wrapping my arms around him and pulling him close. I feel sorry for him. "You shouldn't have left. Truth is I never had any expectations for our relationship. I just wanted it to just _be_. I had never wanted anything more than to just be with you. Does that scare you?" He shook his head into my shoulder. I knew he wouldn't cry but I could tell by how tense he was that he was close to tears. I feel one of his arms finally wrap around my back as he returns the embrace.

"But you can't deny that I do have a way of seriously fucking things up," he whispers into my neck. I close my eyes. I hate that he thinks that about himself.

"Well," I say, rubbing circles over his back with one of my hands, "I don't see it that way; Though you did wreck my life up when you left. I won't deny that."

He pulls out of the embrace defensively and looks the saddest that I have ever seen him look. "I know that, I do. I think about what I have done to you and Cassie every day, Janet. Every single day. I wish saying I'm sorry was enough, because if it were, I would say it a million times."

For as long as I have known him, I have always been able to tell when Jack is lying. He has never lied to me, except on the day he left, and I think I was just too damned angry to notice that. But when he lies to his team or to the General or to Cassie, I could always tell. I can tell right now that he isn't lying either, and it pulls at my heartstrings. He _is_ genuinely sorry.

I don't really know what to say or where to go from here. What I would _love_ to do is to just throw my arms around his neck, kiss him hard on the mouth and tell him I love him, but something is holding me back. I think the fear of getting hurt again might be it, but I realize that I know he would never do anything like this to me again. It's just the pain from two years ago that nags at me. All that time I spent alone, trying to rebuild my life, and everything I had worked on was thrown out of the window the moment I saw him on our doorstep.

But on the other hand, I know that if I don't tell him how I feel and he leaves, I will regret that I didn't tell him for the rest of my life. It would be doubly hard to try and get my life back on track again, especially knowing that he didn't want to leave me because he didn't love me. It's the exact opposite. I grind my teeth, playing everything over in my mind. This is so hard.

"I'm sorry, Janet. For everything." He puts both hands on either side of him and stands up. I stand up quickly, and before I can lose my nerve, I stand on my tip toes and pull his head close to mine and kiss him.

He doesn't respond to the kiss at first, and I think he is going to pull away. I open my eyes, frowning slightly, and start to pull away, but then his lips soften and he returns the kiss. I feel a low moan vibrate from his chest and he puts one hand on the back of my head and the other snakes up my back. I can feel warmth spread throughout my body all the way to my fingertips and toes. This feels good, and so very familiar.

When the need for air finally becomes to great, he pulls back and smiles down at me with such radiance that I begin to cry. He wipes his thumbs under my eyes, pushing away the tears.

"I love you, Janet. I love you more than I have ever loved anybody or anything. I was so stupid to let my fears get in the way of loving you. I will never leave your side again."


	11. Epilogue

Epilogue - Jack's POV

We all knew it was coming, and truth be told, he lasted much longer than all of us though, even Janet. When she went to visit him two days ago for his morning routine, she found George dead in bed. After the autopsy, it was determined that he had died in his sleep. Janet came back to our home, crying profusely, and I knew what had happened without her even telling me. She cried into my shoulder for a good portion of the morning. I had finally convinced her to lay down for a nap and I took care of all of the details.

Today was his funeral. It wasn't until the afternoon, but both Janet and I had woken up very early in our hotel room. She has really been taking his death hard; He was one of her best friends and someone she cared very deeply for. He was also the one that reunited us again, something both of us are so thankful for that we can't even put words to it.

We showered together, and I knew she cried the entire time. We had both seen countless amounts of death before in our line of work, but this one was just so different. I knew that I had to be strong for her, so I locked my grieving emotions away and would deal with them later. That was definitely something I was skilled at doing.

We both donned our dress blues for the occasion. Janet would not let Cassie wear all black. She insisted that that was not what George would have wanted - It was a remembrance of his life, not a reminder of his death. Cassie took some time from school and flew to Maryland yesterday. She was just as upset as Janet was. It was great to see her again, but the circumstances were unfortunate.

The car was completely silent when we were finally on the road to Arlington. I could hear Cassie sniffling in the back seat. I kept my hand on Janet's knee the whole drive there. Her eyes were red and tired, but she still looked beautiful.

When we moved back in together three months ago, I do not think I have ever been happier. We were going to postpone the move so Janet could continue to stay with George and give him around the clock care, but he would not have it. He was very insistent that we move back in together and she could commute once a day. She always went three times a day.

I spoke during the service, as did Janet, and George's daughter, Ameila. I was very grateful to see the amount of uniform at the service. I saw every single person I had worked with at the SGC there. The funeral was a beautiful tribute to a strong man that had affected the lives of us all. Some, more than others.

After the funeral, a small gathering was held for some immediate friends and family. It was very nice to spend some time with SG-1. This was also the time that Janet and I announced our engagement. I had proposed to her last week and George had been the only one she had told so far. She thinks he finally let go after he heard that we were back together for good. She said he had been so happy about the news and said that he wished he could give her away at the wedding. She didn't have to tell me for me to know that that meant a great deal to her.

Every time I look at my beautiful fiancee, I am reminded of what an astounding man George Hammond was. He made my life whole again, and I have no idea how to thank him. He saved both of our lives from the undoubtable loneliness we would have experienced. He gave me my daughter back and he gave me Janet back. My life could simply not be better.

When I get up to the big gates, we'll have ourselves a cold one, General. That's a promise.

THANK YOU all for reading! Have a joyous new year! XO -Kat


End file.
